Just another Judas?

Did God call me yet I am just a Judas in waiting?I walk with Jesus and sense the spirit in me, but turn to selfishness when times are tough. In these times the spirit cannot be found in me. What is this cycle Lord? Why have you hardened my heart at this time? What are you trying to teach me? I have walked away and cannot find you in this darkness. How dark it is when the light is gone.Soften my heart and allow your Holy Spirit to flow in. Guide me with your light and fill in this lowly heart of mine.Be my Master, and let me be slave to all who you place in my path. Serving their needs and denying my own.Holy Spirit come.